Those who know me well enough, know that I am not a shy person. I like to be in the lime light more than most. For a long time though, I have been a bit subdued. I don't take as much initiative as I once did. My actions don't seem very goal-oriented. I don't even keep in touch with the friends I go out of my way to meet. It's a little strange. Bit by bit, I feel as though my character has been changing. Maybe I'm just maturing very awkwardly, but I'm sure that it is for the better.
There are many blessings in my life. My wife is the biggest blessing. She is always on a quest. She always seems to be doing something new and agrandizing. Plus, she goes to great length to encompass all of her family into this growth. Sometimes it can be daunting for me, but mostly it is comforting. She is a strong woman. One thing I really appreciate her for is that she sees the best and the worst in people, but she strives to emphasize and bring out the best in them. She wants me to be happy and a better person not because she wishes she had chosen someone better from the start, but because she just is an Improver. She's also a perfectionist, and lately she has even tried to become more relaxed! Her biggest struggle is that she is very black and white. She has trouble living in the middle. It is difficult for her to find moderation in all things. (Isn't that the case for us all, though?) She has taught me much about what can be done when you just set your mind to it. Seriously, when she wants something bad enough, she gets it. It's not a question of "if" but "when." You would think that I would be running right along with her. Maybe in a couple of areas I am, but for the most part, I'm so lazy compared to her. It is hard to compete for a leadership position when it seems like the game has already been decided. She is teaching me to take the reigns more and to be more proactive and proficient when I have them. I am trying not to take advantage of her willingness to be at the helm all the time. Heaven knows she could use a break.
Next up I have the children. There are three of them. Savanna is turning 12 this year, Brad turned 5 and Ben is turning 4 in just a couple of days. They certainly keep me on my toes, and they all teach me something different. Even though I know she may read this, I think I am learning the most from Savanna.
She and I have not always gotten along well. There have been times where the tension between us was more than palpable, it was causing a large rift in the family unit. Wow, it has been hard. For me, she is three firsts: she is my first child, she is my first (and only) step-child, and she is my first daughter. Keep in mind that I got married young. I was only 21-years-old when I took the vows with Holli. Savanna was already 4 then. And she was as strong as her mother. With marriage goggles on, we delved into family life. Everything was great between Holli and I, but it was deteriorating between Savanna and I. Let's put it this way, Savanna was also how I realized three other things: I had absolutely no idea how to parent, I was completely unprepared for being a step-dad, and I was totally scared to death of little girls. I don't understand the older ones that well either, but the younger version was even less compatible. Well, to bring an incredibly long story to a very premature end, I think that we are coming to an understanding with each other. We both seem to know each other a little better, and we don't push each other's buttons nearly as often. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared to death and I still don't really know what I'm doing with her. I guess I just know that we're doing better. And just in time too...those teenage years are fast approaching, and I'm even less prepared for that.
Bradley is a very unique kid. He appears to have a great patience and understanding for a 5-year-old. He is compassionate. He is tender. He has a temper, but frequently chooses to use his words instead of his fists. He is very clear with you about what he wants. He understands the need to compromise. He is a model of long-suffering as he battles through numerous allergies, medications and blood draws. I think the hardest part (and consequently the one that teaches me the most about him) is that he doesn't respond to negative stimuli. Spankings just make him mad. Showing extreme dismay at his actions brings him to tears. Yelling at him doesn't work either. He is just a very rational, thoughtful guy. He needs to be heard one way or another, and talking things out with him is pretty much the only way to influence him. I've had to learn to settle down my automatic knee jerk reactions and become someone who counts to 10 really well. Plus, Brad has taught me that emotions are not something to be taken personally. I don't need to feel threatened just because someone else is upset. I learned long ago that emotion and rationale are mutually exclusive. When one goes up, the other goes down. Two emotionally charged individuals cannot conclude a dispute until rationality is re-enthroned.
Benjamin's full name is Benjamin Alexander Wyett. Not only does the name sound good, it is regal. King Benjamin from the Book of Mormon and Alexander the Great from ancient times. I'm sure that neither of those two men backed down from a challenge, and our little Ben is no exception. He is our Dennis the Menace too. And our Linus. He is the former because trouble follows him no matter where he goes, and the latter because of his utter dedication to his blanket, his "nigh-night." Just as I have had to learn to cope with the other kids, working with Ben has been a trial and tribulation for me. With all the turbulence between Savanna and I, and with Bradley being polar opposite, it was very hard for me to learn to interact with Ben. He'll cuddle up with you and then punch you in the face. He'll lie to your face, and then ask you why you have a problem. Plus, the kid can has been known to be a bully and just downright mean. For sure, Ben has been a delicate struggle. For a long time, I thought the only thing that would work with him was to give him a very firm spanking. That was an adequate deterrant for awhile, but then I just couldn't reconcile myself to it. It doesn't feel right to do that. So, then I tried some things and figured out a much better way to deal with a combative tyke. Before I say any more, though, know this: I don't believe in rewarding a child for bad behavior. I know that some people say that spanking a child is a sort of sick way of rewarding a child with your time, but c'mon. That's disgusting. I don't believe in giving a positive response for negative action. However, with Ben, when he makes a mistake the best thing to do is to give him a huge hug and talk to him wrapped up in my arms, pulled in close. I swear that it works. And since I've been doing this, his outbursts have quickly diminished. It seems that he gets more quality attention from my positive feedback with one hug than 100 spankings. The best news is that we are both much, much happier.
There are many blessings in my life. My wife is the biggest blessing. She is always on a quest. She always seems to be doing something new and agrandizing. Plus, she goes to great length to encompass all of her family into this growth. Sometimes it can be daunting for me, but mostly it is comforting. She is a strong woman. One thing I really appreciate her for is that she sees the best and the worst in people, but she strives to emphasize and bring out the best in them. She wants me to be happy and a better person not because she wishes she had chosen someone better from the start, but because she just is an Improver. She's also a perfectionist, and lately she has even tried to become more relaxed! Her biggest struggle is that she is very black and white. She has trouble living in the middle. It is difficult for her to find moderation in all things. (Isn't that the case for us all, though?) She has taught me much about what can be done when you just set your mind to it. Seriously, when she wants something bad enough, she gets it. It's not a question of "if" but "when." You would think that I would be running right along with her. Maybe in a couple of areas I am, but for the most part, I'm so lazy compared to her. It is hard to compete for a leadership position when it seems like the game has already been decided. She is teaching me to take the reigns more and to be more proactive and proficient when I have them. I am trying not to take advantage of her willingness to be at the helm all the time. Heaven knows she could use a break.
Next up I have the children. There are three of them. Savanna is turning 12 this year, Brad turned 5 and Ben is turning 4 in just a couple of days. They certainly keep me on my toes, and they all teach me something different. Even though I know she may read this, I think I am learning the most from Savanna.
She and I have not always gotten along well. There have been times where the tension between us was more than palpable, it was causing a large rift in the family unit. Wow, it has been hard. For me, she is three firsts: she is my first child, she is my first (and only) step-child, and she is my first daughter. Keep in mind that I got married young. I was only 21-years-old when I took the vows with Holli. Savanna was already 4 then. And she was as strong as her mother. With marriage goggles on, we delved into family life. Everything was great between Holli and I, but it was deteriorating between Savanna and I. Let's put it this way, Savanna was also how I realized three other things: I had absolutely no idea how to parent, I was completely unprepared for being a step-dad, and I was totally scared to death of little girls. I don't understand the older ones that well either, but the younger version was even less compatible. Well, to bring an incredibly long story to a very premature end, I think that we are coming to an understanding with each other. We both seem to know each other a little better, and we don't push each other's buttons nearly as often. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared to death and I still don't really know what I'm doing with her. I guess I just know that we're doing better. And just in time too...those teenage years are fast approaching, and I'm even less prepared for that.
Bradley is a very unique kid. He appears to have a great patience and understanding for a 5-year-old. He is compassionate. He is tender. He has a temper, but frequently chooses to use his words instead of his fists. He is very clear with you about what he wants. He understands the need to compromise. He is a model of long-suffering as he battles through numerous allergies, medications and blood draws. I think the hardest part (and consequently the one that teaches me the most about him) is that he doesn't respond to negative stimuli. Spankings just make him mad. Showing extreme dismay at his actions brings him to tears. Yelling at him doesn't work either. He is just a very rational, thoughtful guy. He needs to be heard one way or another, and talking things out with him is pretty much the only way to influence him. I've had to learn to settle down my automatic knee jerk reactions and become someone who counts to 10 really well. Plus, Brad has taught me that emotions are not something to be taken personally. I don't need to feel threatened just because someone else is upset. I learned long ago that emotion and rationale are mutually exclusive. When one goes up, the other goes down. Two emotionally charged individuals cannot conclude a dispute until rationality is re-enthroned.
Benjamin's full name is Benjamin Alexander Wyett. Not only does the name sound good, it is regal. King Benjamin from the Book of Mormon and Alexander the Great from ancient times. I'm sure that neither of those two men backed down from a challenge, and our little Ben is no exception. He is our Dennis the Menace too. And our Linus. He is the former because trouble follows him no matter where he goes, and the latter because of his utter dedication to his blanket, his "nigh-night." Just as I have had to learn to cope with the other kids, working with Ben has been a trial and tribulation for me. With all the turbulence between Savanna and I, and with Bradley being polar opposite, it was very hard for me to learn to interact with Ben. He'll cuddle up with you and then punch you in the face. He'll lie to your face, and then ask you why you have a problem. Plus, the kid can has been known to be a bully and just downright mean. For sure, Ben has been a delicate struggle. For a long time, I thought the only thing that would work with him was to give him a very firm spanking. That was an adequate deterrant for awhile, but then I just couldn't reconcile myself to it. It doesn't feel right to do that. So, then I tried some things and figured out a much better way to deal with a combative tyke. Before I say any more, though, know this: I don't believe in rewarding a child for bad behavior. I know that some people say that spanking a child is a sort of sick way of rewarding a child with your time, but c'mon. That's disgusting. I don't believe in giving a positive response for negative action. However, with Ben, when he makes a mistake the best thing to do is to give him a huge hug and talk to him wrapped up in my arms, pulled in close. I swear that it works. And since I've been doing this, his outbursts have quickly diminished. It seems that he gets more quality attention from my positive feedback with one hug than 100 spankings. The best news is that we are both much, much happier.
3 comments:
Wow, your blog is getting pretty deep! You are way more open with our private life than I am....still deciding how I feel about that. Thanks for your comments. I agree with most of it, but I have to say one thing...what 28 year old (you're 28 right??) uses the word aggrandizing?? What?!?!? I'm too lazy to look it up so I'll just assume it's a compliment.
At any rate, I think you are wonderful, and appreciate your willingness to always work harder to make our family work better. You are a great support to me in all that I endeavor to do. I especially appreciate your great ability to constantly build me up and your even greater ability to refrain from criticizing. I definitely am learning great things from you as well. I love you...:)
First of all I love your profound words!!!!! It is hard to be open on these things I think... For a man I commend you.... I would have to light fire under Zach for him to even have a blog... I really enjoyed all your posts... Sometimes I can't help to let myself get in the entanglement that we are all in this struggle alone...When we are all faced with an extraordinary decision everyday,(ok maybe not everyday:) It is not a bad struggle just a constant choice to be better, find what works better to make life more smooth!!!!!
Oh and I'm having a hard time keeping up with my every 3 weeks posts! You guys are rocking keep it up:)!
oh and the music is super cool.....
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