Back In The Saddle

I sure haven't been posting to this blog like I said I would. It seems like something is always getting in the way. Many things are like that. It is terrible to have good intentions only to let them languish away.

At any rate, there is some terrific news! Holli and I are expecting are 4th child at the end of August/beginning of September. Holli is about two months along now...and yes, she is terribly sick again. We're hoping though that all of that may pass in the next few weeks. That has been the trend in the past anyway. Also, the assistance of a local homeopathic doctor may help as well.

There are many things I'd like to say, but it will have to wait. I'm tired. While I hope to add to this again soon, we'll see how well my intentions hold up this time.

Commemoration

Just this last week, we had a ceremony in Morro Bay commemorating the life of Eva Claire Gatto. Most of the family just called her "GG" because she was the consumate Great Grandma everyone wishes they had. I was asked to write these words for the occasion:

"Yesterday we had a party. It was a gathering that brought several families together. There was much laughter. Confessions of non-prescription drug use may have been mentioned. KFC and Colonel Sanders and masked vigilantes as well. We ate food. Some of it sweet and delicious; some of it burnt and crunchy. It was a good party. So many good memories.

"Today we have a commemoration. For "Eve." For "Mom." For "Friend." For "Grandma." For "G.G." So much can be said about a person by the names people call them.. "Evie" has many names. She is the "Example." She is the "Matriarch." She is the "Lead Character" in so many of the good memories that we remembered yesterday. It is amazing to think of the impact she has had on her friends and family.

"I didn't have the opportunity to meet GG before I married Holli, but I sure did know something about her. "She's just WONDERFUL," Holli would say. "You're gonna love her!" Honestly, all I had to hear was that she was a great "Cook." (Which she was.) And, then when I did meet her, true to form, she was a Lady. Her heart was as open to me as it was to every other member of the family. And she became my "Grandma." She didn't even bat an eye.

"So what happens now? The age-old question continues to parade in front of us: What happens after this life? I'll wager that since all of us are still here, none of us has witnessed it to tell, but we are left with the question: What's next?

"Some of us may believe that a person is reborn into another body when our current body dies. Some of us may believe that nothing happens and that this is all there is. Others believe we pass into another phase of spiritual life awaiting judgment and resurrection.

"The trouble with the question is that the answer must needs be absolute. We don't choose our way. It is chosen for us. Maybe that is why there is so much confusion and sometimes fear and sadness when a loved one passes away. Will we ever see them again? Will someone ever see me again when I die?

"One thing is for sure though, life is a blessing and death is a blessing. We should not mourn Eve. We should honor her and remember her. We should keep her with us and revitalize her spirit by living to the fullest. 500 years ago the poet Edmund Spenser wrote, "Death is the end of woes..." And then again 100 years ago the cleric Henry Scott Hollard wrote, "Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived together is untouched, still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort...Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was...Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well."

I then closed with my testimony of what I believe happens after this life and said a prayer acknowledging Eve's great example to us all and wishing her well until we all see her again.

New Age Homeschooling

So, this may or may not surprise you: we are a homeschooling family. Yeah. That's right. We also believe that the world should be totally turned upside-down, that vegetables have feelings and that body odor is the natural expression of the magnificent gift God has given us and should not be stifled. And if you believe this then you have absolutely no idea what homeschooling is about. Not that I necessarily blame you. Most people think that homeschooled kids don't comb their hair. They have no idea what sarcasm is. They don't know how to initiate a normal relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. How many stigmas can I list before it becomes apparent that I would never home school my kid and let them get like that? Let me just put it plainly: homeschoolers are NOT crazies. Yep...perfectly normal people. And by the way, have you seen what some of the public education students look like? Right. And homeschoolers are the weirdos?

The truth is actually kind of startling, but in a positive way. The more I learn about the methods of homeschooling, the more jealous I become. I really, really wish I could have had the opportunity to go at my own pace, with subjects that I really wanted to learn more about, with people actually mixing it up in the real world, to go to a college to get college credits instead of a high school class that poorly imitates collegiate expectations, to see how the world works because I've been participating in it, to be able to speak my mind because my teacher didn't make me raise my hand to speak...or even go to the bathroom, to see first hand the results of my choices....etc., etc., etc. I could go on and on and on and on and on.

Normally, I don't like to get started about education. I feel very passionate about it. Today's educational model is disgusting. Gone are the days of preparation for life. Decades ago began the dark ages of mediocrity and test satisfaction. Gone are the days where someone was allowed to excel and encouraged to do well in something that makes them happy. Now all we get savvy about is how much money this or that can earn for us. When were the twin virtues of wisdom and sincerity replaced by the equally repulsive lust and greed? And why do we try to refine the quality of our lust and greed instead of returning to our moral compass? (I can seriously go on like this for hours.)

Like Dr. King, I have a dream. It is a dream that all can reach. It is a dream that all strive for. It is most especially a dream that will ensure a better future for all of us. It is a dream of revolution: a self-imposed social regression that reinstates logic, reason and wisdom as our instructors. A dream where parents are our heroes. A dream where rewards are based on excellence based on a higher standard. A dream where a person can fulfill the destiny that will ultimately make them happier and desirous for perfection. I believe that correct mentoring, compassionate understanding, realistic planning and great preparation are the keys to this dream. Insatiable optimism should be our mast amidst the turbulent winds and seas of teenage drama queens and photojournalistic voyeurism. Unconquerable persistence should be the sticking post that all flock to when the demands of worldly subtleties attempt to convince us that the world is changing. Let the world change! Correct principles are universal and crucial to success in change. Build tall your mast! Bury deep the roots of your sticking post! Let all know that leadership never was, never is, and never shall be about following the crowd. The Joneses are entirely too beset with everyone trying to catch up to them. They won't care about you. And no one else will either. Be a standard. Don't just set one. Embody the masters. Don't just learn of them. Set the example. Don't settle for your comfort.

Things My Family Has Taught Me

Those who know me well enough, know that I am not a shy person. I like to be in the lime light more than most. For a long time though, I have been a bit subdued. I don't take as much initiative as I once did. My actions don't seem very goal-oriented. I don't even keep in touch with the friends I go out of my way to meet. It's a little strange. Bit by bit, I feel as though my character has been changing. Maybe I'm just maturing very awkwardly, but I'm sure that it is for the better.

There are many blessings in my life. My wife is the biggest blessing. She is always on a quest. She always seems to be doing something new and agrandizing. Plus, she goes to great length to encompass all of her family into this growth. Sometimes it can be daunting for me, but mostly it is comforting. She is a strong woman. One thing I really appreciate her for is that she sees the best and the worst in people, but she strives to emphasize and bring out the best in them. She wants me to be happy and a better person not because she wishes she had chosen someone better from the start, but because she just is an Improver. She's also a perfectionist, and lately she has even tried to become more relaxed! Her biggest struggle is that she is very black and white. She has trouble living in the middle. It is difficult for her to find moderation in all things. (Isn't that the case for us all, though?) She has taught me much about what can be done when you just set your mind to it. Seriously, when she wants something bad enough, she gets it. It's not a question of "if" but "when." You would think that I would be running right along with her. Maybe in a couple of areas I am, but for the most part, I'm so lazy compared to her. It is hard to compete for a leadership position when it seems like the game has already been decided. She is teaching me to take the reigns more and to be more proactive and proficient when I have them. I am trying not to take advantage of her willingness to be at the helm all the time. Heaven knows she could use a break.

Next up I have the children. There are three of them. Savanna is turning 12 this year, Brad turned 5 and Ben is turning 4 in just a couple of days. They certainly keep me on my toes, and they all teach me something different. Even though I know she may read this, I think I am learning the most from Savanna.

She and I have not always gotten along well. There have been times where the tension between us was more than palpable, it was causing a large rift in the family unit. Wow, it has been hard. For me, she is three firsts: she is my first child, she is my first (and only) step-child, and she is my first daughter. Keep in mind that I got married young. I was only 21-years-old when I took the vows with Holli. Savanna was already 4 then. And she was as strong as her mother. With marriage goggles on, we delved into family life. Everything was great between Holli and I, but it was deteriorating between Savanna and I. Let's put it this way, Savanna was also how I realized three other things: I had absolutely no idea how to parent, I was completely unprepared for being a step-dad, and I was totally scared to death of little girls. I don't understand the older ones that well either, but the younger version was even less compatible. Well, to bring an incredibly long story to a very premature end, I think that we are coming to an understanding with each other. We both seem to know each other a little better, and we don't push each other's buttons nearly as often. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared to death and I still don't really know what I'm doing with her. I guess I just know that we're doing better. And just in time too...those teenage years are fast approaching, and I'm even less prepared for that.

Bradley is a very unique kid. He appears to have a great patience and understanding for a 5-year-old. He is compassionate. He is tender. He has a temper, but frequently chooses to use his words instead of his fists. He is very clear with you about what he wants. He understands the need to compromise. He is a model of long-suffering as he battles through numerous allergies, medications and blood draws. I think the hardest part (and consequently the one that teaches me the most about him) is that he doesn't respond to negative stimuli. Spankings just make him mad. Showing extreme dismay at his actions brings him to tears. Yelling at him doesn't work either. He is just a very rational, thoughtful guy. He needs to be heard one way or another, and talking things out with him is pretty much the only way to influence him. I've had to learn to settle down my automatic knee jerk reactions and become someone who counts to 10 really well. Plus, Brad has taught me that emotions are not something to be taken personally. I don't need to feel threatened just because someone else is upset. I learned long ago that emotion and rationale are mutually exclusive. When one goes up, the other goes down. Two emotionally charged individuals cannot conclude a dispute until rationality is re-enthroned.

Benjamin's full name is Benjamin Alexander Wyett. Not only does the name sound good, it is regal. King Benjamin from the Book of Mormon and Alexander the Great from ancient times. I'm sure that neither of those two men backed down from a challenge, and our little Ben is no exception. He is our Dennis the Menace too. And our Linus. He is the former because trouble follows him no matter where he goes, and the latter because of his utter dedication to his blanket, his "nigh-night." Just as I have had to learn to cope with the other kids, working with Ben has been a trial and tribulation for me. With all the turbulence between Savanna and I, and with Bradley being polar opposite, it was very hard for me to learn to interact with Ben. He'll cuddle up with you and then punch you in the face. He'll lie to your face, and then ask you why you have a problem. Plus, the kid can has been known to be a bully and just downright mean. For sure, Ben has been a delicate struggle. For a long time, I thought the only thing that would work with him was to give him a very firm spanking. That was an adequate deterrant for awhile, but then I just couldn't reconcile myself to it. It doesn't feel right to do that. So, then I tried some things and figured out a much better way to deal with a combative tyke. Before I say any more, though, know this: I don't believe in rewarding a child for bad behavior. I know that some people say that spanking a child is a sort of sick way of rewarding a child with your time, but c'mon. That's disgusting. I don't believe in giving a positive response for negative action. However, with Ben, when he makes a mistake the best thing to do is to give him a huge hug and talk to him wrapped up in my arms, pulled in close. I swear that it works. And since I've been doing this, his outbursts have quickly diminished. It seems that he gets more quality attention from my positive feedback with one hug than 100 spankings. The best news is that we are both much, much happier.

Keeping In Touch...Yikes

It may not look like it, but I have been spending quite of bit of my time trying to fine-tune my blog. It's totally new to me. All the different subtleties are fun to work with most of the time, but it is a huge time waster figuring it all out. There are so many different sites trying to get me to put their crap on my blog! Most of the stuff doesn't even work. Even more stuff has very large advertising pinned to it. And almost all of it is extremely female oriented. Maybe the whole thing isn't even worth the hastle. How many people are actually interested in what I have to say anyway? This whole project is more about me than anything else; so this must be my most conceited work ever.

Also, I have the whole Facebook thing going on too. Now that is something a person can really lose themself in. Facebook is like the black hole of the world wide web. Many go in, and few come out. Plus, people have Twitter. I haven't even looked at that one. I don't need it. Or MySpace either. How many different ways are there to keep in touch? It's mind boggling!

There is so much money getting thrown around in just trying to keep people connected or getting them connected in the first place. Don't believe me? What about eHarmony.com? Aren't there a dozen or so companies trying to play matchmaker now? It is starting to make me sick. Can't people socialize anymore? Are all of our people skills totally worthless, or are we all becoming so cynical that we don't believe that we can find someone to love in our own backyard?

Obviously, I am somewhat hypocritical when it comes to this. And, I'll let you in on a little secret...I own a cell phone too! I know. I know. The shame of it. But, truth be told, I like to be able to reach out and touch someone (definitely NO pun intended there) just as much as the next guy. But, really, there should be a limit. There should be some line somewhere in the eBible which says, "Thou shall not commit over-friending." I don't know. Something like that. Maybe, "Thou shall only be friends with those you intend to actually be friends with." Have you ever noticed how someone can have like 500 friends? Is that even possible? How can someone possibly be friends with a number like that? Between birthday presents, break-ups and trying to remember everyone's name you have no money, no time and no room in your brain. To these people I say, "Give it up! It's NOT a contest...freak!"

Anyway, don't know why this came up, but gotta go check my email, goof around with widgets and play Mafia Wars on Facebook.

Yesterday's Activities

So, yesterday was Holli's birthday. She turned 30 years old. She was a little apprehensive about the big 3-0, but in the end we had an absolutely terrific day.

No one should have to wake up early on their birthday, and since we have the three kids it was my turn to wake up at dawn's early screaming to make sure the little ones got fed and stayed relatively quiet. This is not always an easy task, especially when you've gone to bed at 0100 hours the night before (or actually, that very morning.) But the kids were actually really great about giving Mom a nice morning. They helped clean up the whole house without griping. The ate the food I gave them and then helped make Mom's special breakfast (a vegan eggs benedict with bearnaise sauce). And they were even pretty quiet for most of it. By the time Mom woke up and came downstairs (at about 9:30) the house was cleaned up, the dishes were put away, and the house was quiet. So far, so good.

After eating, Holli decided we should all go out to the movie theater. We ended up going to see the new animated Dreamworks movie "Monsters vs. Aliens." It was the very first showing of the day which was convenient around nap time for Benjamin, and the theater didn't have much of a line. We had just eaten, so we didn't pay a mortgage payment for any snacks, and we walked right in. The movie was great. Seriously, really funny. There were a couple of moments that seemed to drag out a bit, but that happens in pretty much any movie I've ever seen. The comedy ranged from the usual slapstick for the youngest child to the subtle political rhetoric that Steven Colbert would use. The story line was adequate for adults and kids. Predictable? Of course, but in a way that you didn't mind. The characters made up for the lack of originality in some parts. All in all, a very good flick. It certainly had a Pixar-esque feel to it, but it didn't get quite as artsy and some of the lame movies Pixar has been putting out lately (a.k.a. Ratatouille and Wall-E.) What were those movies for anyway? (By the way, can I just say how lame I think it is that one production company seems to copy another. Don't we have more than one production company so that we have some diversity? I don't know. Maybe it's the writers' fault. For once, just once, can't we not beat the horse to death? How much would it suck if they made a sequel to Ferris Bueler's Day Off? Sorry for the tangent, but it just kind of pisses me off.)

Anyway, we got home from the movie and gave the kids some lunch. Then, Ben went down for his nap while Bradley had quiet-time and Savanna did her thing. Holli updated her blog and I messed around with our old computer. (I keep trying to resurrect it, but, alas, I don't have sufficient techno-nerd points to score a win. Anyone local want to take a crack at it? Email me. I'm kind of out of ideas.) So, then I gave Holli a back massage as we watched some reruns of Full House on TV. That is still one of her favorite shows. So, we had a totally laid back afternoon. Once again, so far so good.

The evening was really what we were looking forward to most of all. We had plans to hit up a pizza place in San Luis Obispo called Pizza Fusion. It is a new age place claiming to be totally green and recycled and stuff. Plus, they have vegan and vegetarian options. I know. Vegan pizzas? Isn't there supposed to be meat and cheese and stuff? Yeah, well, as weird as it sounds, the food was really good, and they have "normal" pizza options as well. I got a BBQ chicken pizza on a 5-grain crust and Holli got a custom pizza with soy cheese, red onion and white crust. Both the options were fantastic. We also got a couple of side salads, a Boyan Black Cherry soda and a brownie that was ridiculously good. Let me repeat that: The brownie was RIDICULOUSLY good. Don't go there unless you get a brownie. So good. So dinner makes for a good triple play.

Right after dinner, we headed out to Oceano for a show at the Great American Melodrama. The Melodrama is one of truly great treasures of the Central Coast. This was only the second time we had ever gone there, and this time we went with our great friends Zach and Steph Wasil. And so, in a great place and with great people, we saw a great show. Another triple play. The show we saw was called "The Nerd." Definitely a must see. Very funny and a great cast of characters that both shock you and amuse you from start to finish. It came in three acts and two intermissions. The first two acts comprised "The Nerd" and the third was their usual Vaudeville reprise that always follows in a similar, comedic vein. This time the Vaudeville part took the form of cats, dogs and mice "going international" singing spoofs of old Standards. And that made four for four. 100% Happiness Achieved. Even Holli said, "This day was perfect," on the drive home from Oceano.

The night ended with a foot massage and book reading and finally falling asleep again at close to 0100 hours. Definitely a long day, but definitely a perfect day along the Central Coast and with the Wyett Family. We still can't believe we live here.

Acceptance

This is a poem that I wrote over ten years ago. Somehow, it seems complete to me. At various points in our lives, we feel constricted. Maybe our life in reality doesn't match what we picture as our life subconsciously. The battle waging within ourselves can cause much lamentation. This is a description of the end of confrontation and the beginning of emergence and fulfillment. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you all have something to say and contribute.


“ACCEPTANCE”

As day lazily drifts
Into obscure darkness
I sit alone in my cell
And savor the effects
Only caused by a serene Spring night.

The whole picture
Soaks into my enchanted solitude
And perpetuates a joyous freedom.
I feel that I can fly
And free myself from this detention.

The clouds become dazzling apparitions,
Beckoning me to their loftiness.
A cloud staircase appears before me.
I spread my newly-spawned wings
And awake from my captivity.

As higher and higher I fly
The lighter I become, and
The more I see.
I am an eagle’s majestic piercing orb
Peering at the world through a magnifying lens.

The clouds open to greet me.
Surrounded by purity and cleanliness,
I invite the clouds to close around me.
And through the dense obscurity of fading light
At last, I find myself...acceptance.

Just Getting Started

So, now I've gone and done it. My blog, "According to James," is up and running. Somehow I feel way behind all of a sudden. Do you ever have that feeling? The one where you're playing the game, but you're not really sure of all the rules? Yeah, that's where I am. I'm just hoping that no one else knows the rules any better than I do. But one must begin, right?

My primary ambition for this blog isn't so that other people can keep tabs on me and what I've been doing. Frankly, I don't think it would be very interesting to hear about just me. At any rate, we have a family blog at http://www.wyettfamily.blogspot.com/ for those that want to hear about the family exploits. We are always running around doing stuff. So, as a family, we're pretty interesting. I'm just a cog in that wheel.

The real reason for this website is so I can voice my many opinions. Share different things I've written. Give an honest book review or movie review. Pass along what I may consider wisdom...or at least nuggets of info that I may have just stumbled upon and found interesting, beautiful, or inspiring.

I've been writing short stories, poetry, critiques, news stories and "verbal pictures" for many years now. Not many people have read them, but I would like the opportunity to express myself in these ways by exposing them to anyone interested. I would love the same honest, loving, scathing critique of my own works that I freely give to everyone else's. Believe me when I say that I am not shy. I can take a harsh blow to my creative ego. The hope is that one day, I'll be able to deliver something that is great. So, bring it on! Let the pen fly! I am grateful that you may take an interest in my little project.